On Saying No
I hate to say no. I don't want to disappoint anyone. But am I disappointing myself by not saying it?
In a previous post (On Saying Yes), we talked about saying yes to change the course of your life. Saying yes to opportunities, saying yes to the activities you are passionate about. But what about saying no? We, especially people pleasers (like myself), hate to say no! I want people to be happy and content and I want to help them! Sound familiar?
However, it is vitally important to learn to say no. You need to say no in order to bring about the yes’s that you are supposed to say yes to. We need to say no for our sanity. We need to say no so we can sit home on a Friday night and have wine all by ourselves (make the kids leave!) instead of hanging out with friends who aren’t filling our cup. You know… those friends who complain about others all. the. time.? And then you think… if they are talking about Susie behind her back like this, what are they saying when I’m not with them? If you have to question that, then you don’t need to be spending your precious time with them anyway.
Stop saying yes when you want to say no!
Say no at the outset to save yourself from having to make up an excuse to get out of something later. Say no at the outset to have peace of mind that you made the right decision. If someone asks you to go out to dinner, but you’ve already put it in your head that tonight is going to be a ‘me’ night, why say yes? Tell the truth – even if you are afraid of what that person might think of you.
I’ve been conscious of saying no when I am not feeling up to doing something, and I have been called out for being a homebody. But guess what? I LOVE being a homebody. I love sitting home after a long week at work and having some ‘me’ time. ME TIME IS THE BEST TIME! I am not always going to be a homebody, but I know what works best for me and what I need in order to refresh and refocus for the week ahead.
Get to know what you need and how you can incorporate that ‘me’ time into your life. Say no when you want to say no. Keep your sanity! Your friends will respect you for knowing what you want, and not be disappointed when you make up a (very obvious) lie because you can’t bring yourself to tell them you just don’t want to hang out. Oh, your kid is sick again? Your car broke down again? You have another headache? Stop the lies! Just be honest. Life is too short to keep up with all the lies you are telling your friends just to get out of doing things with them.
Will your friends be annoyed? Call you out and give you a hard time? Maybe. But just roll with it. You told the truth and your friends need to respect you for that. While you do need to care about other peoples’ feelings to a point, you also need to take care of you. And if staying home on a weeknight will make you feel better in the morning, then do it. Just say no.