This is not my normal post. I need to vent for a minute, mostly for my own mental health. My boss calls me at 7:30 in the evening to complain about something I did "wrong" (that will be determined tomorrow who was actually in the wrong). I am very much done with working for someone else. I am done with being a pawn in someone else's dream.
Yes, I still need to pay the bills and eat - because I really like to eat. But each and every time something happens that makes me upset, I have to take a step back and see the bigger picture. No, I am not ready to go on my own financially, but mentally, I am there. I have been there. I just needed a tiny push to get me over the edge, and that happened tonight.
I don't get mad very often. In fact, I am extremely level headed. I was so angry tonight that I was shaking. I'm not going to go into details, or throw anyone under the bus, but being an hourly employee does not mean you can call me at any hour of the day. I probably shouldn't have answered, but I knew there was a meeting tonight and thought help was needed.
I am better now. I have prayed, relaxed, and am currently doing a facemask while drinking tea and writing. This is my happy place. This is where I need to be - sharing my experiences and life lessons with others. My whole goal is to allow others to see that they are not alone. There are so many other people in this world who are just as frustrated with their career as you, or who have gone through a nasty divorce, or who have had to deal with trauma. If I can help just one person, my mission will be successful.
I understand that this is a bit negative and I truly tend to stay on the positive side of the tracks. However, I needed to write tonight and this was on my heart. So, let's see how we can end this positively:
- Tomorrow is a new day and I will have calmed down by then.
- I need to refocus on my why. I have a why that I read every day for why I write, but it is time to expand that into WHY I want my own business.
- I need to focus my eyes on God and allow him to point me in the direction I am intended to go.
- I need to win the lottery.
Ha! Wouldn't it be nice if the lottery solved all our problems?
I know tomorrow will be better, and I will find time in the morning to journal my thoughts before going into work. This will allow me to say what I intend to say, and keep on track. When faced with a situation, I tend to chicken out (for lack of a better term) and do not say what is on my heart. Writing these things down helps me to focus and know that I am coming in with a clear definition of what I intend to say.
Thanks for listening, if you made it this far. I still got my post in for the day, and it was a rare vent session for me. Tomorrow will be back to the normally scheduled posts :)