...But it's not over yet.
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. I felt a little depressed, a little uneasy. I was feeling pretty unsettled - I wanted to do something productive but at the same time I didn't want to do anything. Have you ever been in this type of funk? How do you go about shaking it off and moving forward with your day?
It's a Monday, and generally I would be going into the office, but since it's a holiday, we are closed. I have a super busy week ahead of me - I am launching my own business in a few weeks, so I have to prepare for that, and I also have two board meetings to prepare for at my day job. I almost feel overwhelmed but I am trying to not let that feeling overtake me. That is probably why I shut down this morning.
I barely enjoyed my coffee (which I usually love) and I spent the morning aimlessly watching Netflix and browsing through my phone. I finally sat down and started chatting with Ben (my love) and told him how I was feeling. I am lucky - he is a great listener and has a way of making you feel heard. He listened while I whined about how I was feeling and we started to get to the underlying causes of my current unhappiness. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I am not where I really want to be in life, but I keep repeating the same cycle of dreaming about where I want to be, working hard at it for a bit, and then slowly backing into my same routines.
Now I am sitting here and I am trying to figure out what I need to do in order to switch my brain into thinking that I deserve to achieve my goals, and more. I need to make the time for productivity and make the time for my future. I also need to be patient. I know that I will not achieve everything I want to right away. I have a lot of work to do, and that work will only come with time. I need to be receptive of what is in front of me and allow the good to come into my life.
How will I do that?
Just like I want to be someone who holds others accountable for their goals, I need to find that person who knows and understands what I need. This person will listen to my obstacles and help me to see how I can best get over them. Sometimes, a fresh perspective is just what you need to see a hole in the obstacle that you didn't notice before.
I need to learn to forgive myself. I am very hard on myself and find that I can get angry and annoyed with myself when I don't get a task accomplished that I had planned on doing. This is not healthy, and I am a smart enough woman to know that. Between being a single mama, working full time, building my blog and planning a new business, all while trying to make time for myself - there's a lot on my plate! If I don't get to the laundry or vacuuming for the day, that has to be okay. I need to be okay with that and instead of getting upset with myself, just throw my hands up and say "that's okay. No one is judging you because your floors aren't vacuumed." There's always tomorrow.
While there is "always tomorrow," I still cannot allow myself to continue saying that for everything. I need to plan what is most important for me, and how I am going to accomplish that. There can be tomorrow for laundry or brushing the dog, but if I am going to achieve the very high goals I have set for myself, there needs to be a bit of planning involved. I must do one thing that moves me one step closer to my goals each and every day. I need to prioritize my tasks and allow myself the courage and stamina that I know is in me to get those tasks done.
I know that every day will be different. Today I am forcing myself to work on my goals, and tomorrow I might not have to. But, that is okay. I have patience and I have drive, but the obstacles are little monsters that can pop up anywhere, at any time. I am sure you have those as well. Together, let's agree to be accountable to each other, forgive ourselves when we don't do it all, and plan for a better future.
Today isn't over yet, and I am happy that I was able to recognize my feelings and process them. I hope that you can stop and recognize when you might be feeling off, and know that it's okay and perfectly normal to feel this way. Today might have started off bad, but it doesn't have to end that way. You are in charge.